My title can be a bit tricky and audacious but` hear me out as I write this piece. Growing in an African background, parents, and every other relative, be it uncles, cousins, we see them as sacred, and we respect them a lot. When addressing them, you must talk with respect and in some countries, you even must bow down or be on your knees when greeting them. Now do not get me wrong, I believe our parents, uncles, seniors are especially important, and some contribute to our advancement and accomplishment of life. My mother/family members are my rock and I love them so very much, and I can do anything and fight to make them happy.
However, some of these relatives can sometimes be very toxic and diminishing, causing a low self-esteem, and trust issues. How do you handle a parent that you feel raised you up, but in every opportunity that he or she can see to bring you down, a parent or relative that is never satisfied with your work, never acknowledges your efforts or struggles, bullies you and call you all sort of name. A parent that always compare you to other people, and even wish that you were never born. How do you handle such attitude coming from a person that you thought was to protect and cover you? A person that you thought was to give you all the confidence and assurance needed to conquer this world, how do you handle this without disrespecting or committing any act of violence? This can mess up with your mental ability and caused you to go into depression.
I experienced that, and till now I sometimes experience it with some people, and what I can advise you are, first do not go into confrontation or be violent, because you might do something that you will later regret. When such situation arises, sometimes communication is important, and open to that relative in a composed tone about what they do or say to you. Now, I know some might come and say especially from an African background that I don't know what I am saying, or I am bullshitting, but I believe in communication, open and respectful conversations. the fact that it is your mother, father, uncle, or whatever does not mean they should treat you as rubbish and make you feel like you are not a human being. Secondly, if the toxicity persists even when communicating, approach a family member that you are closer to and you know that everybody likes them in the family and explain them the situation so that they can talk to that relative, if this still doesn't work, be silent home and try to take the back sit for a while, no matter how harsh the words are, be silent and remain like that. sometimes being silent is powerful and cause things that you cannot even imagine. Another tip I can share with you to save your mental health is to be around people that value and know your worth people that makes you laugh and appreciate you, that will boost your self-esteem, and give you some serenity.
I hope you enjoyed this, and I cannot wait to read your comments and share with you. Thank you